Pray 5!

ok, for those who don't know what Pray 5 is, it's the youth combined cell prayer meeting. today's was great i think. haha.. was one of the musicians on stage. it's not easy for musicians on stage to really receive the anointing and such, cos we'd have to pay attention to the worship leader, play carefully so as not to play wrong and stuff. yeah i believe we still do, just that it won't be as much as the congregation. but it's great to be able to serve, and seeing the work of the Lord in the midst of the worship. hallelujah! from the sharing of brothers and sisters, they really felt the presence of the Lord, and experienced the touching of His love! haha.. and you know what? today i'm not the worship leader, not the vocalist, not the drummer! (ya i'm on those 3 in worship team, but stepping down from drums. heh) i'm not the guitarist too!! (ya i do know how to play the guitar. a bit la.) i'm the bassist!!! (err.. actually i haven't learnt much bout playing bass guitar... other than watch a intro video? lol) but it was so nice. not that i played nice, in fact, i made so many mistakes. hahaha.. but i really enjoyed the whole process! the worship and stuff. being able to serve on a new instrument!! so exciting!! hahaha.. i'm starting to like playing bass guitar man. lols. ahh.. i should just master my guitar first. lols. but ya, so thankful for the opportunity today. wa, if i go learn to play piano/keyboard, then i can play all the instruments le!! like my bro!! and zhenling!! wahahahha.. ehh.. but currently no interest in piano/keyboard. haha.. =X

anyway, now there's sort of a table tennis craze going on in church. lol. thanks to LJW and team and olympics. haha.. last time also like that, cos of some big table tennis event, then got the craze. so today, played table tennis with my bro, zhenling n chek. after that, jiayi came also, but i had to go for worship prac. woah, very long no play, forget all the strokes and stuff. lol. but very fun. haha..

just now after dinner with cell (i transferred over to the young adults cell liao), no where to go, so came home. haha.. surprisingly, i felt like doing work, so worked on the documentation i was doing on. and completed most of what i had to do for this week! wahhaha.. feels so good. though didn't go out and chill with bros or what, but very satisfied that i completed some work. heh.

so, in all. today's a great day! :D

oh, and i can't wait for tomorrow. i invited a friend to church. so excited!! hahaha.. i hope he can stay on in church. heeh. i pray that the Spirit of God will touch his heart! Hallelujah!!

Happy Birthday Bro!

today's my bro's birthday! ya my real bro. haha. actually today's my another friend's birthday too - xiongwei. haven't seen him in a super long time. haven't seen my bro for a long time too. since monday! haha.. guess he must be having a good time at genting and KL. lol. thank God for putting such a great brother in my life. the both of us are similar in many ways, especially character. haha.. i guess, both inherit from dad one. lol. and in that, i think he really understands me, and he's gone through more things than me. i guess, in a way ah, what he sees me go through, basically just similar to what he went through lo. haha.. so he always can relate to what i go through, and encourage me. thanks bro! let's work hard together ya! heeh. :D

different ways of worship

i've been wanting to learn more ways of worship, like using flags, sign language, maybe tambourines too. haha.. it's been something in my heart for a very long time. yesterday, asked michelle to teach me how to flag, as she's teaching weicong also. haha.. last time i got learn a bit la. that time, dance team having test or something, so they were all practicing, then i sit one side, observing, then try to pick up on my own. lols. yesterday then really started to learn ba. though is impromptu de. haha. but i like using flags to worship. the meaning behind the moves are very interesting. somehow it brings me deeper into knowing God. how we execute the moves, all like got meaning de. haha.. so yesterday i learnt half shield, full shield, side shield, back shield and honour. very cool. though practice until my fingers there quite pain. now still quite painful. haha.. but i really wanna learn, and use it to worship God!! and thanks michelle for teaching me!! she say i learn very fast wor. though my left hand really quite jialat. haha.. need a lot more practice. heeh.

anyway, i've transferred to the young adults cell. many reasons how this change came about. haha.. but i guess it's good. for me, for the people around me. going to go into more different ways of service to the kingdom of God. i guess, some may think that i'm changing cell because of a particular something. well that was what made me first think bout it, but it never was the main reason. i wonder if i should explain to some about this, but i guess, there's no need to. why try so hard to explain everything? am i just trying to please the people around me, that they can accept me again? i think i've been trying too hard to please everyone around me, too afraid to offend people, too afraid of misunderstandings. i should be living for God more than for anyone or anything else. of course, misunderstandings should always be cleared up, but timing is important too.

i guess this is good for us. i'm not sure if the misunderstanding has been cleared up, but at this time, i think it wouldn't be appropriate for me to approach you and try to clear things up. it might just worsen things if i try too hard to prove my innocence. it isn't anyone's fault, just misunderstanding, assuming the wrong things. maybe i misunderstood you too. now, i should just leave you alone. this probably is what you wish now too. i was probably too anxious trying to be reconciled, and in that, made you feel worse, without even my knowing it. sorry. i just wish the best for you. :)

something to be happy about

hmm.. you know, sometimes when i go online on msn, then i go see who's online and stuff, seeing others' nicks can be quite interesting. some will say if they are happy, sad, stressed, etc. what strikes me the most is when some of them put something like, "Thank You Lord". cause when i first knew them, they were not Christians! hahaha.. and i feel so happy for them and for God. it's like a reunion of Father and son, family getting back together. heeh. i remember last time when i was in NTU, in Campus Crusade for Christ, got a newsletter, then got fellow students sharing testimony. to my amazement, one of those featured students was one of my classmates during secondary school! hahaha.. i was so happy. and those friends who i see from their msn nick that they've come to know Christ, really makes me so happy. so glad to know, they have friends around them spreading the gospel to them! i must do my part in the gospel revolution!! wahahha.. yeah, and i'm starting to take steps bit by bit le. first will be my aunt's family and my closest friends.. heh. trying to invite them to church.. though got rejected a few times le, but i won't give up! must keep trying, and spend more time with them. heh. :D

why i keep creating problems leh???

haiz. i don't know why, things keep getting wrong. for some inexistent reason, i was misunderstood. am i such a scheming person to you, that you thought such of me? and as if just myself being misunderstood wasn't enough, i dragged a friend into it. a most innocent party, to be misunderstood too. what i hate is this lo, that bacause of me, i 连累 others who had nothing to do with anything. this time i seriously don't know what have i done wrong. or have i done anything wrong. i guess it's just purely a misunderstanding. i'd really want to clarify things, but i guess, anything i say now, anything i do now, probably is just going to piss you off. why and how did things come to this man?

and to the friend who i dragged into the misunderstanding, i'm really so so so so so so so sorry! though you said you're ok, told me not to worry about you, but i know deep inside, you're feeling very hurt. i know. the feeling of being misunderstood, being wronged. i really want to set things straight. i want to clear up the misunderstanding for you, cos i was the one who caused it. even if it meant having a greater misunderstanding for me, i guess as long as it helps clear the misunderstanding on you, it'd be worth it. but i also don't know how. hmm.. and it seems anything i do may just cause more misunderstandings, so maybe it'll be better for me just not to do anything? i guess i can just only pray hard ba. but i hope you won't hold it against her. she's really going through a very bad patch.. she's probably too emotionally affected to think through and clarify things? maybe she's just afraid that if the truth is not what she hopes it'd be, that's why she didn't confront? from what i know bout her, she isn't someone who likes to confront.. i know you are going through a rough patch too. it is too, for me. i just pray we all can have the strength to tide through all of this ba. i'm seeing some breakthroughs in my life, and i pray for such in yours and hers too. God bless all of us. :)

Joseph..

the man who was going to inherit his father's wealth(and i would say is quite a lot? haha..), who was sold into slavery by his brothers, wrongly accused by his master's wife, thrown into prison.. the author of the bait of satan gives us an inkling of what could have gone through his mind while he was in prison. i say again, could have. and mind you, the prison he was in is nothing like the prisons we have now. the prisons of now are like country clubs compared to the one Joseph was in.

It seems the more I try to do what is right, the worse it gets! How could God allow this? Could my brothers steal my promise from God, too? Why hasn't this mighty, covenant God intervened on my behalf? Is this how a loving, faithful God cares for His servants? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? I only believed I'd heard from God.

i wonder how does it really feel like to be in Joseph's situation. he'd dreamed of greatness, but the more he did what was right, the further the fulfilment of the dream became. if you don't know the story of Joseph, read the bible, Genesis 37-48. i guess what i'm going through is just a tiny bit of what he went through. haha.. yet Joseph continued to do what is right, and eventually, the dream was fulfilled. i also believed i'd heard from God. but, things just seem to be getting further. have i heard wrongly? but i believe i didn't. but what if i really did hear wrongly? holding on so strongly to something God did not tell me, that's foolish! but somehow, i still believe i didn't hear wrongly. it still resonates within me? haha.. oh well, actually it doesn't really matter at the moment. i just have to do what i have to do, and leave everything to God. heh.

and now for the phrase of the day. ok. sentence. lol. also from the bait of satan.

"Unconditional love gives others the right to hurt us."

the parable's lesson..

sorry to have kept you all waiting for the answer to the parable, what the author is wanting to say. the author was talking bout people changing churches, bout how some keep changing churches, cos they always run into problems with the church they attend. so what really is the problem? sometimes it is the attitude of the person him/herself. so no matter where he/she goes, with a critical attitude, he/she always finds problems. another thing is, when we are offended by the previous church we go to. the author says, "When we retain an offense in our hearts, we filter everything through it." the way we leave church, is the way we enter another. so if we leave with a bitter heart, we enter into another church with that bitterness.

many times, we hear of people leaving church, changing church, cos they are hurt by their previous church. they left, but without resolving the issues that caused them to leave. if we're unable to leave with a peaceful heart, then it probably means that we should not leave yet, cos there are things not settled yet. this not only applies to attending church. it can apply to our jobs, our relationships too. if you're not at peace at leaving your church, your job, a relationship, could it be that there is something you have not resolved, or you are not sure yet? i believe very strongly that in whatever we do, peace is very important. it's something like an acknowledgement from the Holy Spirit, who also works through our conscience. if we feel bad about doing something, feel guilty about something we did, we probably did the wrong thing. if someone does the wrong things, yet don't feel any guilt, hmmm.. then i think that person is quite hopeless. his spirit is dead and dead. but what do we do with the feelings of guilt? it's telling us to go and correct the wrong we have done. stop doing the wrong things, and start doing the right things, or to remedy whatever wrong you did. like, when we tell a lie, we sin, and we don't feel good bout telling the lie. what to do then? first, we gotta stop telling the lie, and then tell those you lied that you lied to them and are in the wrong. those who love you, will forgive you. that's how it is with Jesus! and He forgives everytime, cos He loves us so so so much. :)

woah, ok, i kinda strayed pretty far away from the parable. lol. but i just wanted to share this out. man, these few days have been hard. very hard. remember the post i had on the Refiner's fire? man, it's really burning. and, like the author, for the first time in my life, i felt so much anger in me a couple of days back. i felt like i could kill a person. so much anger. i was offended. very much offended. it's the closest who can hurt the most, like how King David portrays in Psalms 55:12-14, "For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng." i felt so offended. never have i felt such intense anger, bitterness, disappointment, hurt, unforgiveness. but really, do i have the right to be angry? do i have the right to bear grudge? i don't. i don't have the right to. who are they to have to think how i will feel? they are not obligated to do so right? so what rights do i have to demand such from them? even if i had the rights to be offended, can i? Jesus had all rights to be offended right? betrayed by His closest friends, His own disciples, almost everyone forsaked Him at His hour of need. but Jesus wasn't offended. He forgave them, just as He forgave me. He forgave me so much, and He forgave them too, so what am i not to forgive? if i don't, i'll be like the unmerciful servant, who, being forgiven of a debt of ten thousand talents(millions of dollars), refused to forgive another's debt of a hundred denarii(a few dollars). [Matthew 18:21-35] i don't want any unforgiveness to come between me and God, or anyone. i want to learn to love unconditionally, like Jesus. agape love.

Lord, as the unpure gold is thrown into the fire, so is my life. The impurities are showing up. I don't want to remain angry. I see this dross of sin as what it is, and I repent. Forgive me Lord, for harbouring any bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, even if it is only for a second. Take Your ladle and remove the impurities in my life. Teach me to love like You do. Teach me agape love. Thank You Father. And I'm so thankful and grateful for those who cared for me, who love me, encourage me. And there are so many. May You bless them greatly Lord, in everything they do, in their spiritual walk with You. I thank You for these brothers and sisters who have been a blessing to me.

I thank You for my brother, who really understands what I am going through, and giving me advice; my mum, though did not say much, and probably didn't know how to console me, but I know how much she loves me; lingling, who always stood by me and is always there to listen and pray for me, who has helped me so so so so so much; cuixian jie, who is like a mother to me, always trying to cheer me up and help me even though she is so busy; pastor, who i guess really knows my character well, and willing to take time to talk to me; zhuguo ge, who trusts in me so much, accepts me for who I am, sharing his thoughts and experiences with me, edifying me; chek, who's a true brother, willing to be there, comfort me, console me; jinhao, who's always so concerned about me; keith and jasmyn, for being there, listening to me, cheering me up; weicong, who believes in me, that I can definitely go through this, and encouraging me; qiqin, who's willing to pray for me, encourage me, and believing in me too, even when I did not tell her what happened; eunice, who shown care and concern for me even though she hasn't even met me before, don't know me well; iris, who encouraged me and reminded me of Your provision in times of trials; michelle, who probably is worried bout me seeing me the way I am, but probably don't know how to help me. Lord, I thank You so much for all of them, and much more. Those who are silently praying for me. Lord I know they love me so much, and wish to see me stand up once again. From You, and from them I draw strength. I know I can do it, by Your grace, Your love, and their love. Thank You Father, for placing such wonderful people in my life. What more can I ask for? I'm such a blessed man! Forgive me for holding on to the wrong things, forgetting the blessings You have showered on me. Thank You. You are so good. Your love is just so marvellous and so wonderful! THANK YOU JESUS!!

Abba Father...

Lord, I know that You will not give me something beyond my capability. You will not give me something more than I can bear. I'm so confused. I'm so lost. I'm so tired. SO SO TIRED! I'm so drained of every ounce of mental strength! But still, You saw that I can still take it? You see me as so great? To be able to bear all of this!? Is it that You want to use me, that You're breaking me like this?? To such extents!?!? Yes Lord, I really want to live my life for You, do Your will, but all of this is too much??? I'm on the nerve of breaking down Lord!! Won't You take this away from me!?!?!?!

But Lord, let Your will be done, not my will. If You think I can bear this, then I believe I can. If you think I can withstand all this, and even more, then I believe I can. If You wish to tear me down totally, and rebuild everything, that I may be able to glorify You, though how painful it may be, Your will be done. If this is what it takes to follow Jesus, give me the strength, determination and perseverance to continue on. Lord, just don't ever let me leave You or stray away from You or Your Word. Hold me so closely and tightly to You, like the belt to the waist. If this is to help me understand what Jesus went through, betrayal by His closest, abandonment by all, then I will go through it. Keep my heart from evil or my own sinful desires. If You think I can, then I can! Let this not just be a prayer, or words from my mouth, but resonating deep inside me, believing in Your every promise. Thank You Jesus.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GOD SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

living dead..

i thought such things happens in tv serials, in movies.. never would i thought that one day, it will happen to me.. the feeling of being betrayed? by someone i trusted so much. by those i hold dearest to? why did it have to be like this? and to think, i'm the idiot who didn't know anything again.. the idiot who was ignorant of the truth.. i suddenly, don't know what to feel anymore? what am i going to do now? i thought, is it possible things get worse? hell yeah it did. worse than i can imagine..

Lord, help me. I know You are the only One who can help me. Help me not to take offense, no matter how hurting, or how painful it is. Teach me to forgive as You forgiven me. I'm at my end. It's just You now. So, take over my life won't You? This wretched life? Teach me to live by Your grace. the life Jesus gave His life for, guide me to live in it. help me to trust in You. give me strength to endure. let not my mind go insane. thank You.. In Jesus' mighty name i pray. Amen.

Praise and glory be to GOD!!

woohoo!!! so excited!! so happy!! ziting sent an sms, and told me that her cancer cells are all cleared! gone! GONE!! woohoo!!! GOD IS GOOD!! GREAT IS OUR GOD!! GOD is our HEALER!!

wow i'm just so happy! i don't know why man. just so exhilarated! this calls for a celebration! a celebration of God's works! of God's grace! of God's healing!! Hallelujah!!!

an old parable..

here's an old parable. the book Bait of Satan says it's an old parable. haha..

Back in the days when the settlers were moving to the West, a wise man stood on a hill outside a new Western town. As the settlers came from the East, the wise man was the first person they met before coming to the settlement. They asked eagerly what the people of the town were like.

He answered them with a question: "What were the people like in the town you just left?"

Some said, "The town we came from was wicked. The people were rude gossips who took advantage of innocent people. It was filled with thieves and liars."

The wise man answered, "This town is the same as the one you left."

They thanked the man for saving them from the trouble they had just come out of. They then moved on further west.

Then another group of settlers arrived and asked the same question: "What is this town like?"

The wise man asked again, "What was the town like where you came from?"

These responded, "It was wonderful! We had dear friends. Everyone looked out for the others' interest. There was never any lack because all cared for one another. If someone had a big project, the entire community gathered to help. It was a hard decision to leave, but we felt compelled to make way for future generations by going west as pioneers."

The wise old man said to them exactly what he had said to the other group: "This town is the same as the one you left."

These people responded with joy, "Let's settle here!"

What lesson do you think the author is trying to bring out in this parable? haha.. think about it. you can ask me if you want to know the answer, or want to discuss bout it. :)