arrgh...i fell sick...

argh...i fell sick...i'm down with bad flu...my nose is stuck real bad. it was so bad i actually woke up in the middle of the night!! and i couldn't really get to sleep after that. can you imagine that?? i mean...ME UNABLE TO SLEEP!?!? that rarely happens you know... i'm pretty much known as the sleep king amongst my peers. i can practically sleep anywhere, anytime. lol. there was even once when i sorta fell asleep while walking... and slammed into a pillar... hahaha...that was quite funny... well, yeah...my flu is very bad. i only started feeling unwell on monday morning lo, and by yesterday it already become quite bad. oh my... what did i do to fall sick? did i not read the Bible enough? did i not pray enough everyday? is it something going on spiritually in me? or am i just plain weak in the body?

anyway, i finally reformatted my desktop at home. it seems to be running pretty stable now. Praise the Lord! my laptop is reformatted as well. dun ask me y. arrgh. software failures. but luckily i can recover all my documents, including Zhiqiang Ge's photos!! that was most important la. if i lost those photos he'll probably kill me. it's the photos for a photoshoot assignment lo. Praise the Lord!! well, so now i need software, cos i reformatted all my computers!! i need microsoft office 2003!!! i need photoshop CS2!!! think i can get photoshop CS2 from my fren. but MS Office 2003!! i need it more urgently!!! how am i going to do my projects without office??

oh yeah, and today is my JC class chalet. wow, it's been a long time since we had a gathering. thanks to lala and stella for organising the chalet. hmm...it's been a long time since there was a 4K gathering too... oh well, guess everyone is too busy now. maybe during dec hols i'll organise an outing or something for 4K...

photos that shd have been up long time ago

i finally took the time today to edit and upload the photos taken a couple of months back - a wedding i covered and the mission trip. i've uploaded them to my online portfolio, so u guys can go take a look. i'll just post a couple here for u to see. these are from the mission trip.

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anyway, i had my accounting quiz today. wasn't as bad as i'd expected it to be. shd be able to pass. hahaha... only started studying for it this morning lo. i was too tired so i skipped the BC203 seminar. i gathered i'll just be dozing off if i went anyway, so i slept till 11+. haha.. it felt good catching up on all the sleep i've been missing due to lessons in church, speaking of which this coming sat to tues is another round of intensive training and teaching.

hmm.. must keep jiayi in prayer, cos she having her promo exams now too!! i'm sure God will reward her for making the sacrifice to attend all the lessons in the midst of her exams. Jiayou!!

exhausted!!

so tired!! lack of sleep is bad. feeling drained again. so many things to do, so little time. maybe i'm not managing my time well enough...?

lessons by Pastor Zhang has started again!! on one hand, feeling excited about it, cos can learn and practice new things, but on the other hand, it means i'm gonna get soo busy again. fri and sat's full day lessons sort of stretched me mentally and physically. and sunday still got so much to do. the visit to World Revival Prayer Church was good though. experienced some very special stuff. God is simply amazing!!

then today got presentation, so i had to come up with the slides all those yesterday. was soo tired already, but still need to do, so was in church doing the slides. by the time for lesson, i was really exhausted. couldn't really get into the worship fully... then this morning had to come back to hall early cos need to make amendments to the research proposal report and slides also. all the documents in my lappie in sch so yesterday cannot do. so sorry to my group mates, have to wait for me to submit my part for the report and presentation so last minute...

today and tmr still got lessons in church!! need to chiong here and there again. next week also like that. man, how am i going to find time to study and do my projects!?!? this fri need to help Zhiqiang ge take photo again. i'm actually very reluctant to do it, but he cannot find others to help le, so... haiz... free day burnt again.

i really need wisdom to manage my time. i must fulfil my responsibilities as a student!! i cannot neglect my studies any longer!!! Lord, grant me strength!!!

Happy Birthday Aiqing Jie!!!

Happy XXth Birthday Aiqing Jie!! age shall not be revealed. haha. anyway here's my first "present" for you!!

Worthy Is The Lamb.mp3

lets see how many hits i'll get for my blog

i've got a counter for my blog. after going for the focus group, i wonder how many times does pple frequent my blog. sometimes i got anonymous pple leaving comments, some of which really are just advertisements, some saying my blog is nice(seriously, i doubt it...), blah blah. and i've got ladybug reading my blog too! how did u get to my blog anyway? but of cos, everyone is welcome to read my blog. i wonder if there are many unknown pple reading my blog... hmm...

anyway, as of this time of blogging this entry, i got 30+ hits. it's because i was trying to configure and set up the media player plugin, not cos i'm popular or wat. haha. the song now is Worthy Is The Lamb. enjoy!

everyone, you've got mail!

hey you out there, i've just found a letter that's addressed to you. yup that's right. YOU! i've got one too, and i am deeply touched by it. actually i've read my letter some time ago, but i thought you guys should know that you have one too.

you can retrieve your mail here.

this entry is dedicated to my first emcee partner

at the request of my first emcee partner(maybe the only emcee partner i'll ever have), i shall blog today!! lol. ok, maybe i was gonna blog anyway, so just 借花献佛. let Enting feel honoured for a little while. hahaha.

ok so today was the first regional crossroads!! and i was the emcee!! together with Enting, that is. had lessons till 6.30pm, so had to rush down immediately after my class. maybe cos no time to settle down and compose myself, so i felt pretty nervous. i was supposed to start greeting the audience first, but i guess i got too nervous. so enting started the ball rolling, and i just followed her call la. so we led them in a "game", which u can't really consider a game at all la. haha, it's just some activity for them to start talking to each other. then blah blah blah... shall not go into what happen item by item la. you just have to know that i screwed up during some parts, especially got a time i suddenly forgot what i was supposed to say. so i was there like stunned, duno what to say, so i started mumbling some nonsense i think. lol. that was before the response song, ya i remember that. haha. well, at the end of it all, i felt so relieved that it was over. not that it was very torturing or something, but i just don't like the feeling of being unsure of what to do.

anyway, overall, i think i was pretty screwed up la. didnt really engage the audience enough, didnt know the programme well enough, etc etc etc. lots to improve on. but Eejun, Sean, Weiyee, Enting they all said i did a good job. duno are they consoling me or wat.. haha.. no la, i know u guys meant it, and i'm really encouraged. but if u ask me to be emcee again... haha... i duno man. i need to think it over... i guess emcee-ing is not really my cup of tea. well at least i made a new fren from this. ok i wouldn't say made a new fren, but forged a friendship with my partner ba, cos i dun really know many pple in campus crusade. i just wanna say a big Thank You to Enting, for being such a great partner!!

后记: speaking of i duno many pple in crusade ah, but it seems that quite a few of them know me like that leh. a few times i intro myself, "I'm jonathan", then they'll go, "Ohhh!! So you're that Jonathan Goh!!!". what's up with that man? i got a bad reputation or wat? lol. i still duno y so many of them responded that way.

i'm a frog in a well...???

today went to do a focus group for lee choon, together with enting and wei yee. other than the 3 of us, there were another 3 others from CS one. it was a focus group on blogging la, so we started by introducing ourselves, and saying what blogs we frequent...

so the first one started(one of the CS pple), saying that she reads iraqi blogs, pakistan blogs, blogs whose owners are from her native country(forgot which part of Africa...or was it Africa??). then i was like... wa... she reads international blogs, whereas i only read my frenz blogs...

then another CS guy said he reads mostly frenz blogs also la, but is those malaysia popular blogs, where got many pple read and comment all those one. then i was again, wa... popular blogs... at least also is got hundreds of hits per day one. my frenz blogs all like the most, at most, at at most, 20+ hits per day, 30+ hits per day? like that how sia, when my turn to say then how? i only read frenz blog...

then the third CS person say she reads those popular blogs from US. she frequents them because the content is witty, intellectual, etc etc. i was totally ashamed of myself. I ONLY KNOW MY FRENZ BLOGS.

then weiyee and enting made me feel better, cos they also only frequent their frenz blogs!! hahaha... but then, it makes NBS so diu lian(throw face). the CS pple like so sophisticated, read international blogs, etc, but we NBS pple only read our frenz blogs. lol. then when everything ended, while enting and i were taking the shuttle bus to can A, we were saying that it's so paiseh lo. we're like frogs in the well!! maybe it's time to go and find out what other blogs in the world out there. it's good too, cos from those blogs of other countries, we can know whatz going on on other parts of the world too. it's time to get out of the well.

so anyone got any good blogs to recommend? i like intellectually challenging content, and some funny funny blogs would be good to entertain me when i'm bored. any good links anyone??

i think i'm lost...?

i think i'm in deeper dung than i thought i am. i think i'm in a crisis. just now during accounting tutorial, i, as usual, did not do the tutorial, and just had no idea what they were discussing. i started to think what am i doing there again. y am i wasting time away like that? if what i'm studying now is really not what i want, maybe i should quit school and just go ahead and do what i think i should be doing?

irwin once told me that the photo editor for CAC before me had quit school to pursue his interest in photography, to become a professional photographer. it occurred to me that he knew clearly what he wanted, and he went ahead to pursue his dreams. do i really know what i want? if i'm really sure of what i want, can i quit school?

i'm really so unmotivated to study now. y has it become like this? i thought i've decided to buck up even before the semester started. i've quit gaming, i've quit DotA, i've committed myself to go for lectures, go for tutorials, but i'm still so lost in my studies. as i prayed when i was walking back to hall from class, i was thinking that i should be glorifying God and honouring Him by being a good testimony in NTU. but what i'm doing now is not accomplishing that at all. perhaps i should use this as a motivation to study? nope it doesn't work. then it suddenly dawned on me that maybe i don't need the motivation. i just need to go and do it, go and study and glorify God. doing not what i want, but what it takes to glorify His Name. many times there are things that we don't want to do, things that we feel so unmotivated to do, like evangelising, but regardless whether we feel motivated or not, it's ultimately our actions that matters. regardless i feel motivated or not, i just have to do it, do it for Jesus. i just pray for the discipline to do it.

being a Christian is really not easy. when you want to truly follow Him, it seems that problems start to surface, you start struggling with so many things. your deepest fears come back to haunt you. maybe it's God wanting to test me. maybe it's the devil trying to attack me at my most vulnerable weaknesses. i just need to get over all of these. i know at the end of all these, i'll be drawn closer to God, deeper in love with Him.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

-- 1 Corinthians 10:13

i have a roomie!

this morning when i was coming back to hall from home, i was stunned for a moment when i reached the door. how come there's an additional pair of slippers? how come got some stuff that are not mine doing outside my room? it dawned on me that my super deluxe room days is over. sobz. anyway my roomie doesn't seem a bad person. haha. at least he doesn't look like he smokes or something. Thank God. hope my lifestyle won't clash too much with his. haha. well, i think he's from TJC last time, and same batch as me one, so probably we'll have some common frenz ba. i got so many frenz at TJC. haha. lets hope we get to know each other better.

yesterday went to play badminton with my bro, keith, sunmei they all. wow, i'm really lousy. i think i almost lost all the games i played yesterday. lol. duno if is too long no exercise, yesterday play until leg gonna cramp, my right arm aching, and really no energy to play liao. after the first few games already can feel the strain in my arm, and got no power in my returns. really gotta practice more. well, today it wasn't aching as badly as i expected it to be la. Praise the Lord! God is good.

yeah speaking of God is good, i just read Iris' blog, where she gave a story of why there is so much pain and suffering in the world. you can get to her blog by clicking on the "Iris" link on the left. lol. go check it out, especially if you think you're having such a bad life, suffering from so many things, going through pain, etc.

yeah God is really good. yesterday during the Sunday School, Jin Sen Ge was sharing how you know who is the partner that God has planned for you. he said that you can pray to God, ask God to give you confirmation through the filling of the Holy Spirit. Though previously God has already told me what i should do, but faithless ol' me just wanted another confirmation on it. so this morning i prayed, and God gave me the confirmation as i asked. i should really cast all my own desires away, cos when God gave me the confirmation, i somehow hoped it would have turned out otherwise, cos deep inside, i still wanted something to happen my way. some of you will know what i'm saying. those that don't, don't bother asking.

God forgive me for my disobedience, my unwillingness to do what You've told me to. Forgive me for wanting things to happen according to my will and not Yours. now i just pray that Your will be done, and grant me the strength for me to overcome my struggles... Thank You Jesus. Amen.