maybe i'm just asking for it..

haiyo.. i think i made my xiaomei upset with me again ar. don't know why it always turns out like that. i tell her something, which i think in my opinion is to guide her, but it almost always makes her upset de. then she gets upset with me and doesn't reply me and stuff. knowing that saying those things may make her upset with me, i still said them. well, to me, it is all for her good la. but maybe i was just too hard on her? i really wish to see her blossom beautifully, and have a stronger relationship with God la, but maybe i was just too anxious on it, and gave her a lot of pressure without knowing it. ya, so i guess i was just asking for it la, now she like don't want to talk to me. hmm..

sorry xiaomei. i guess i didn't learn my lesson, and made you upset with me again. it's just like last time, i say you, then you get upset with me, then ignore me. haha.. the feeling is exactly the same. lol. now i must really tell myself, don't keep pushing you so hard. God has His own timing for you de. yeah. must tell myself, just pray for you and let God do the rest. i'm really sorry xiaomei. forgive me again can? heeh..

and i'm away again..

yeah i just reached the hotel in KL bout an hour ago. woah.. tired. long ride. sit in the car until so uncomfortable. lol. was just back in sg for a week, then go overseas again. this time for a week also. don't know when's the next trip overseas again. hope not anytime soon. haha..

well, on sat, went to the hillsong concert! it was great! haha.. very great time of praise and worship. very happy! during the praise and worship, i jump and jump, then when stop for the sermon, then i realise that my slippers is broken! LOL. then 小妹 keep laughing at me. haha.. then when leaving, walk until very xin ku. so in the end, 小妹 and her sis (大妹? LOL!) convinced me to use plastic bag to wrap my foot. then i use the plastic bag to like tie it around my foot with the slippers so it won't drop off. lol. so funny. and 小妹 still keep laughing at me! haha.. but ok la, see her laugh until so happy, i also happy. lols. very long no have fun and laugh with 小妹 like that le. haha.. thank God for such a great day!

小妹 having her chinese 'O' levels paper in a few more hours. 加油! 大哥 is praying and cheering for you! must get good grades ah! haha.. May God's grace/undeserved favour be upon you greatly! Hallelujah!

oh, and this afternoon, heard that ziting fell down or something. hmm.. may God protect ziting from all harm too, and that she can recover quickly! May God bless, protect and guide all His children!

finally back in sg

finally came back to sg yesterday night. ughh.. i'm finally back. but i think i'm going to malaysia again in bout a week's time. man, it sure has been a tough week. like everyday not enough sleep also. well, thank God i've endured through this week. today's service was just wonderful. worship, as well as the sermon. it just simply refreshed me, strengthened me once again. thank You Lord. You know me best, and it just seemed that today's service was dedicated to me. the worship, the sermon, everything ministered to me deeply. God is just so good. heh.

hmmm.. got some things i wanted to say to someone la, but i guess it wasn't good to approach her at this time. think i should give her some time to sort things out and think things through? heeh.. well, to that someone, i just want to encourage you to be strong! you did the right thing. really. sometimes others may not understand you, but God does! i understand you too, or at least i think i do. haha.. probably at this point of time, i shouldn't disturb you too much. i know you're still having some struggles inside. jiayou wor! God is with ya! and when God is with you, nothing can be against you! heeh.. i'll be praying for you! if there's really anything you need support in, need help with, i'll be there for you de. so no worries ya. and you have many good friends supporting you too. heehee.. go go jiayou! :)

ok, let me say some stuff bout my trip this time. haha. wow, i ate a lot? lol. first time go those high-class chinese restaurants so many times in a week, eating all the really nice stuff. haha.. wa, but eat so much, until i bit scared of it ah. lol. ya, then first time go massage parlour also. wa, really 大开眼界. i go in, blur blur de, duno where to go all those. haha.. it's very big place. first go take shower, then got spa all those, then go foot reflexology. got personal tv to watch, then can have services like manicure all those. i first time go manicure. lol! ya, then the foot massage, bit painful. haha.. then after that, got buffet supper! woah. after that go for whole body massage. wa, the person say i use computer too much, muscles tense or something, then massage until very hard. i can even hear my bones cracking! not break la, but just, very pain. haha. but the person say like that then can help to ease the muscles, or something like that la, so tell me to endure the pain. but overall was a good experience ba. haha.. wa, then i got to sit in a van, the driver damn power one. he drive like formula 1 car like that. shiok ah! hahaha.. he drive ah, like fish swimming in the water like that one, overtake other vehicles like nothing one, and very smooth! and the most power thing, is he totally disregards traffic, as in the direction of traffic. he can like, drive in the opposite direction one, and like take it like nothing like that. i was like.. woah... amazed. lol. and he like, at entrance to expressway, to take shortcut, he drove in the opposite direction to get to the other road! that's like, crazy la! haha.. but it's so amusing sitting in his van in the front seat. haha. couldn't help laughing at how he can drive like that. bit like, shocked until laugh. lols. but really power sia. he can drive us back to the hotel in just 30mins, even when it's during very heavy traffic. my cousin say, last time he take cab, take 1 hour, but take his van, only 30 mins! lol. i wonder if i can ever drive like that. quite cool ah. haha.. very skillful.

hmm.. k la. that's all for updates. didn't buy anything back from china this time. once again, to the someone, jiayou!! i'll always be supporting you! heehs.. :D

alone.. again..

i'm in china.. and now.. alone in the hotel room again.. it's so lonely.. nobody i can talk to.. nobody replying my smses.. i feel so lonely.. losing something so dear.. i feel so alone.. why does it always have to be that such things happens when i have to go overseas, that i have to face myself alone in the hotel room? it's such a.. overwhelming feeling.. nobody to turn to.. not even anyone in msn.. i don't want to give it up.. waiting is so hard.. but i know i have to.. please keep me in prayers.. facing the loneliness overseas.. it's really breaking me apart.. in such times when i need you, i don't feel you beside anymore.. it's so hard.

God, please help me. help me to focus on You, and not the problems at hand. i know, all these i am going through, Lord You intended it for good. no matter what happens, i will still praise You Lord. please give me the strength to go through all these, and make me stronger. i am weak, but You make me strong.. i need You Lord. tide me through all these... in Jesus' name i pray. Amen.

it was good.. wasn't it..?

things sure don't turn out the way we want, or expect it to, so often huh. well, i never regretted my decision. it was good. i learnt a lot. i hope you did too. it probably isn't going to be easy for me to walk out of this, but i will. no matter how much it hurts, i know God meant it for good, and i will still praise Him.

i cried my heart out to You, Lord. in my pain, i cried out to You, with tears flowing down my cheeks. i cried many times today.. but at least it helped me release my emotions inside me. i know i have to go on. i will hold on strongly to what You told me, Lord. never will i let go of it. what you have shown me, keeps my hopes strong, and i know my wait will not be in vain. it may be a long wait, and along the way, there probably are many more struggles, but i don't want to give up, and i never want to lose the faith in what You have shown me. Lord i thank You for all these. it was a good time. i'd done everything i could, put in everything i can. i don't think there was anything more i could have done? though it still turned out this way, so suddenly, i never blamed anyone. perhaps it was, just too early. but it's ok. i'll just wait it out then. how many years, i don't know. but i know my hope is always alive in You.

i'm flying off in a few hours. seriously, i'd hate to go overseas at this time. overseas, there isn't anyone i can really talk to, and it feels really lonely at times. it can feel so vulnerable. with my heart still aching, i don't know how am i going to take it. but i know God is with me. He will tide me through. Thank You Father. and after all this, i'm glad to know, things have merely gone back to how it has been in the past, before it all began. it'll be just as good. i just need the wisdom to do it even better.

thank you for everything. everything i did, was for the good and benefit of you. i'm really glad and happy to see that you have grown more mature, in many aspects. i'll be there to help you blossom beautifully. always. =)

something not good bout my job..

well, i think i realised something that isn't good bout my job. well, work from home is good, but now i realise, there are its down sides to it too. at home, i just face the four walls and my computer. yeah my dad is normally around, but he does his own things. basically i'm as good as alone at home. my mum works and only comes back in the evening. bro normally is out for work too, and even when they are at home, we'd normally be each doing our own stuff too. man.. this feeling of loneliness is driving me crazy. there aren't any colleagues around for me to talk to, nobody for me to talk to and interact with!! yeah there's MSN, but there aren't so many i can talk to also. and of course, face-to-face interaction is still better.

man, so this is what comes with work from home benefits. i feel like i'm becoming a loner. i guess i just don't like to be alone. well, i guess nobody likes to be alone. probably this is why i keep thinking of someone so much. this isn't very healthy eh. man, i need to be around more people!! arrghh!!! what can i do? maybe i should find a place for me to work. not at home. a place where there's more people, who i can talk to, interact with.. man.. i'm really starting to feel that this job is a lonely job.. arghh.. this feeling is really driving me crazy.. maybe i should ask some friends out. but who? man.. this is bad huh.. i wonder how my dad gets by his days at home? hmm.. anyone wanna ask me out?

thank You Lord

hmm.. having one of my internal struggles with myself again today. it's something i have to overcome within myself la. yesterday this thing has been on my mind, and today, someone said to me the same thing. i guess it was God trying to tell me something. yeah, indeed, i have to deal with this issue inside myself. holding on to something too tightly isn't going to do anyone any good. in the end i may just scare the person away.. haha.. overdoing it le ba? or rather, the time is not right yet. well, it's gonna be a great challenge for me to really let it loose and not hold on to it soooo tightly. lol. but just now was bit perturbed by it la. like something bugging me inside and i had to deal with it. but i'm really glad that someone told me bout this. if that person didn't, i probably wouldn't have mustered the strength to really go and do what i should do. thank you so much!!(to that someone) haha.. i lll!!

ya so was bit emotionally down and stuff, so i went for a jog to try to vent it out. go pasir ris park, run my usual route, then after that, went to the beach there rest a bit. so i sat down facing the sea, felt the sea breeze, hear the sound of the waves, and started praying to be released of this emotion that is bugging me. then i start to sing worship to Him. there wasn't anyone close by la, haha.. so is ok, can sing out loud. lol. wa it feels good. haha.. then after that close my eyes and feel the natural breeze and sound of waves. feels more peaceful after that le. haha.. thank God. then while walking back home, kept singing worship to Him. whee~ God is good. in Him we have peace! but the thing is still there that i have to overcome within myself la. but i know, when God is for me, no one can be against me! Hallelujah! i will overcome it with Jesus! heh!

己所不欲，勿施于人

had fever since monday evening. injured my toe while taking bus. my big toe, the toenail bent upwards. bout 1/3 of the toenail. bent upwards!! wa! i was like.. OMG! that's my toenail, it's.. bent upwards! and it bled quite a bit ah. wa, the most painful part is when i push the part of the nail that is bent upwards down to how it should have been. IT WAS VERY PAINFUL! wa, super pain la. pain until i almost went crazy. then after that it was so pain, but i can't just shout in the bus, which was very crowded, so i like just use my hand cover my mouth all those kind of thing. -_-"

ya. then i started to feel cold, bit shivering.. like a bit fever liao. feel weak, blah blah. then i thought, wa, it's getting quite bad eh.. go home, before i slept, take my temperature.. 39.7 degrees! next day, wake up, still 39+ degrees! better go see doctor. waited for 1+ hour at polyclinic, in the end, doctor didn't say much also, and just prescribed me panadol. wa.. waste my time and money sia. go polyclinic see doctor like no see doctor like that. makes me feel that polyclinic really is a place to buy medicine only lo. think next time fall sick, go private clinics better. though more ex, but at least it has better service(should be la), and the doctors seem more professional(should be also ba..). but thank God, after come back from polyclinic, had lunch, take the panadol, went to sleep for a few hours, wake up, the fever dropped to 38+ only! God is good! haha..

this morning wake up, take temperature again.. huh.. still 38+ wor.. but i feel like no fever liao leh.. then i use another thermometer.. 35.9 degrees.. so is which thermometer spoil? -_-"

well back to the topic of the day, 己所不欲，勿施于人. doing my morning devotion as usual just now, and Daily Bread is on this for today. those 8 words has been the most important principle i've been living by most of my life, and it has helped me greatly in my interaction with people ba. and it wasn't until a few years ago that i realised it is based in the Bible too!

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." - Matthew 7:12

己所不欲，勿施于人 works in a reversal way la, but similar. since don't know when, i've always told myself, not to do unto others what i don't want them to do unto me, and to treat others how i want others to treat me. yeah. very powerful. thank God for teaching me such a simple yet powerful principle since the young days of my life. it basically covers every aspect of life with others. i encourage you out there reading this to adopt this as one of the living principles of your life too! Matthew 7:12!

to do some educating on this too, this verse doesn't mean that if you like something, you keep doing onto others, as in, if you like durian, you keep treating others to durian. haha.. that's not how it works. some people may not like durian you see. the principle is to treat them to what they like. this is just an example la. and in using this principle, it doesn't mean you expect others to treat you exactly the way you treat them. it's not to benefit yourself, it's to benefit others. there's no room for self-centeredness in here ok? heh. ya, so hope you who are reading this, can learn to use this verse powerfully, be it in loving someone, talking to someone, your actions towards someone.

ok. being a nice person as i am, i shall give some concrete examples to help you all kickstart. wahahahah.. ya, like when talking to someone, we like others to give us their attention right? so we give them our attention as well! we don't like others to be saying ridiculous things about us, we don't say ridiculous things about others too! (eg, you very fat, you very ugly, you very stupid, etc) we like others to encourage us, so we encourage others too! we don't like others to lie to us, so we don't lie to them too! we want others to trust us, so we have to start to trust others too! yeah, these are just some examples la. heh. for a deeper understanding of this, can come find me ya? i'll be glad to help!

oh, and another principle that i live by also: 宁可全世界负我，不可我负全世界。this means that the world(other people) can harm me, hurt me, do bad things unto me, but i will not do these things to them. no revenge kind of stuff too. heh. :)