God, I'm sorry...

Abba Father, I'm sorry. It is only after reading the article given by Huihui about Healthy Youth Ministries Have Spiritually Healthy Leaders that I realise what I've set out to do, what I've set out to accomplish, were all set on the wrong goals. I wanted my cell to be fun, to have interesting activities, so that the members will be attracted to come for cell, but I was wrong. I was so so so wrong. How could I have thought that way? So what if many people come for cell, but for the wrong purpose?

The author quoted from the Bible, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your Name, and in Your Name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' " (Matthew 7:21-23).

We are so easily distracted by things around us, including our serving in church ministries, that draw our focus away from God. Though I am aware of this, and constantly reminding myself to keep my focus on God, I've lost focus. I've lost sight of what God has intended. I've lost sight of what God has put me to do. The time and effort I put in, it was all for the wrong goals. Everything that I'm doing, am I still doing it for God? Or am I doing it for people? Or for myself?

Thank You, Lord, for bringing me back to my senses. Thank You for reminding me that I should not be focussing on the wrong things. I'm sorry for trying to do things my way. Sorry for not giving room for You to do Your work. I'm so much grieved by what I was doing. Thank You for consoling me. Thank You for putting the peace back again in my heart. Thank You, for touching me so deeply today. Thank You for Your forgiveness.

I know what I should be doing now. I pray that You'll continue to guide me, and let not me fall sideways from Your path again. Your strength be upon me. Use me, for Your greater works. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

tired...

ahh.. the lack of sleep is making me feel so tired, and there's so much things to be done. today already almost whole day used up for lessons and for Oasis (crusade stuff). Oasis ended at 2100+, close to 2200hrs. then came online for a meeting. wa, really exhausted la.. plus the lack of sleep. need to rush out my resume and cover letter for AB228a (a module i taking now) also, and the thing is i know nuts about writing resume and cover letter. need to hand it in on fri, but fri i won't be in school, so need to send to my friend to help me print and hand it in. that means i'll need to have it done and sent to my friend on thursday!! today is already gone. i'm tired. i need to sleep. tmr got early class.

tmr and wednesday got pastor zhang's lessons, so the evening to night time is gone. i'm only left with afternoons. tmr afternoon got lecture. after lecture already 1530hrs, and i'll need to leave for church at 1600hrs for worship practice. that means tmr is gone also. wednesday is my only free afternoon then, but i might need to meet up with my DG!! take away 2 hours, and i'm only left with bout 2 hours in the afternoon for my resume and cover letter. thurs also only got about 2 hours. need to leave for church again for tuition at 3pm. arrgh.. maybe i'll just resort to using the microsoft office template for resumes...

hmm.. anyway, it's been 2 weeks since i became cell leader of my current cell. i must say that being a cell leader certainly isn't easy. there's alot that i have to take care of, alot i need to plan for, etc. but i'm glad for the learning opportunities. being a cell leader really opens up so many opportunities for me to learn, and there's really so so so so much to learn. and i'm glad to have people in my cell that are very supportive. people like sunmei, jiahui, jinhao, shuiting and ziting. they've helped me alot in taking care and inviting the new friends, and giving me encouragement too. thanks!

being a cell leader is so different from an intern. i pray that i'll have the wisdom and strength to overcome the challenges that are ahead of me. i pray for the cell to be bonded into one united family. i pray for the cell to grow not only in numbers, but spiritually and in maturity as well. i pray for more brothers and sisters to rise up as leaders. i pray, in Jesus' mighty and victorious name, Amen!

random

Genesis 29:20
So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

Jonnie ??:??
So Jonnie served xx years to get Mrs Goh, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

buahahaha... i'm just bored. if it only seemed like a few days. lol..

i'm back to DotA-ing again. lol.. lost it. just lost a game. lost my touch. lost my skill(if i ever had any to begin with). i'll only play at home. playing at hostel is too much of a temptation. once u start, it's hard to stop. that way, i can have more discipline. =)

something is wrong!!

alright. that's it. i've had enough. something is definitely wrong. it's either my computer(s), just me, or it's blogger. alot of times i go visit blogs, i know it's supposed to be updated, but it is not!!! then when i visit the blog again the next day, all the posts appear together. it's like, eg, i visit a blog on the 1st Jan. on 1st Jan, the last post was, eg, 28th Dec. on 2nd Jan, i visit the blog again. the blog is then updated with posts on 29th, 30th, 31st Dec and 1st Jan. how come when i visit on the 1st Jan, the Dec posts are not there!?!?!?

something even bester(ok i know there is no such word). i visited a blog, the latest was, eg, 1st Jan. i visited it again the next day, so by right it should either still be 1st Jan latest or got newer posts right!? but NOOO!! the 1st Jan post is gone too!!! the latest post became, eg, 29th Dec!!! wa this is it man...

are you guys encountering the same thing?? i think i'm the only one with the problem leh. and it's not just my desktop at home. my laptop also like that!?!? and i use my laptop at many places, at school, at church, at outside places.. is it my settings? i check liao leh, i set to "check for newer versions of stored pages whenever i visit the webpage" le leh.. i tried clearing my cache also, but it doesn't work!?!? someone tell me why!?!?

2007!

2007 is here!! my last hour of 2006 was spent stuck in a jam at fullerton there. lol.. but managed to see the fireworks, cos the few of us went out of the car then go to the area where we can get a better view.. not bad la.. haha.. but dun have the countdown atmosphere, cos also duno the exact time, so dun have the "5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Happy New Year!!" but it was quite fun la. i just enjoy being around my friends, my brothers and sisters. there was this car of pple beside my bro and keith's car, damn funny bunch of pple lo. their car got this sunroof, then they got the "trumpet" thingy. then when someone started horning the car, this guy stood up and sort of responded to the horn with the trumpet thingy lo. damn funny lo... hahaha.. then after that the traffic came like a complete stop.. then they started blowing the trumpet thingy also, with those simple tunes, then some cars responded with their horns, then it turned into a "concerto" of car horns. lolz.. damn funny. then after the fireworks, went siglap to meet zhenling, her two sis, and iris and chilled out at one of the bars there. hmm.. enjoyed chilling out with them. =)

hmmm.. looking back at 2006, wow, it's an amazing year for me, especially in my spiritual life. i've learnt so so so so much in a year, i can't really believe it myself. i've ventured into areas which i'd previously thought it'll be so so so hard to venture into, but i did it!! all thanks to Pastor Zhang, and my Pastor, and of course, Jesus!! it's amazing how i've grown in my worship. from starting to serve in worship ministry at the start of the year, to leading worship towards the end of the year.. it's amazing how God has led me through.

it seems that when you draw closer to God, life starts to get tougher. deep hurts that i've suffered start to resurface again. experiencing some of the deepest fears i have inside me. is it the devil trying to put me down? or is God stirring the fears in me so that i can overcome it with Him? well, i must say i've had alot of struggles over this, but i'm glad this time i have Him with me, and my fellow brothers and sisters who encouraged and consoled me too. thanks! i know this is my area of weakness, but i have Him who strengthens me in my areas of weakness!! it's a moulding process i guess, though hard and painful, i'll perservere on! For His Glory!!

moving on to 2007, i hope i'll be able to fulfil my responsibilities as a student well. not a good student in 2006. taking on the role of cell leader, i hope i can be a good role model for the younger ones. i hope i can be a good leader, loving my sheep as they are, guiding them down the right path, helping them solve their problems. i pray for Your wisdom and leadership to be upon me.

i want to commit more time to be praying more, for my family, for my friends, for myself too. i want to commit more time on reading God's Word. i want to commit more time to worshipping the Lord. i want to go into a higher level of worship, so that i can draw closer to God, and to be able to draw people to Him in worship. i pray for 2007 to be a year of even greater spiritual breakthroughs than what i've experienced in 2006!!

relationships. i want to get to know all the people around me better. i want to build stronger relationships with them all. i want to bring more people to God, to restore the relationship that they should be having with God. i want to get to know you more too. i want to have a closer relationship with you. i want to be your best friend. I pray for guidance, Lord. tell me what i should be doing, and what i should not be doing. i want to leave everything.. everything.. in Your hands. i know i'll be safe that way.

Thank You, Jesus, for 2006. Thank You, Lord, for 2007 that is to come.