Lord, help me..

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

There is no fear in love... then why do i still fear? perfect love drives out fear. the love i have.. it is not perfect...? i'm not made perfect in love...?

Lord, make me perfect in Your love. I know Your love is perfect. Teach me to love in Your perfect ways. Teach me perfect love, Abba, Father. For thus shall drive out the fear I have.. of loving.. Take hold of my right hand, LORD. Thank You. In Jesus' glorious and mighty name I pray. Amen.

a weekend full of anoiting... and realizing my fear...

the weekend was good. pastor sarah wu came again, and taught us 琴与炉 on saturday followed by 医治与释放 on sunday. both were very good! she's really a very anoited pastor, and the work of the Holy Spirit is simply amazing.

the week before pastor sarah came, we did 七个医治释放 with pastor zhang. i think that time i didn't really do a thorough cleansing especially in areas of relationships. Praise the Lord, on sunday pastor sarah taught us on reconciling relationships. we were split into groups of 4, of which is led by a leader, who's more experienced and mature. and my group is led by a very nice and good 传道. she led me in going through the things which i might not have surrendered completely to God, and led me in prayer all those too. it was then that i felt that there is one area which i have difficulty in submission to Him. though i have known all along that that was one of my areas of weakness, i never really asked why was i so weak, and what was the root of the problem. it was relationships - BGR relationships.

BGR relationships is something i fear going into. i never realized the fear was so great. and why have i become so fearful is that i was hurt real bad before. i've put in too much of my feelings, and fell too hard. it took me so long to get over it. the pain was too great. i never want to go through the pain again, and maybe that's why i became so fearful of falling in love again. it's like i've climbed too high and fell too hard, that i've become afraid to climb anymore. i didn't really understand why i was feeling what i was feeling, but now i know it was because i fear. the fear is so great... so.. so.. great...

it's pretty ironic. these couple of months i'm learning to love the people around me, learning to love the way Jesus loves His disciples. and i could really feel the change in me. i could feel that God was putting the seeds of love in me. i'm learning to care about the people around me. now when i hear that my brothers and sisters have problems, i want to help in any way i can. perhaps i'm not a very good counselor, but i can at least provide a listening ear, at least i can pray for them. i'm starting to understand how Jesus could do so much. it was love. i want to love everyone just like how Jesus loves them too.

John 15:13 - "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

i'm learning to lay down my life for my friends. but i was thinking it's just so ironic, that i can love the people around me, but yet i dare not love the one that i really love. now i really don't know what to do anymore. i'm confused.

Lord, will You speak to me? Will You tell me what to do? Tell me what should I do, Lord. I need You. I need You to guide me. I need You to take away the fear that I have. I need You to heal me of all the hurt I have in my life. I want to live my life for You. I pray that You take away everything that is keeping me away from You. I want to submit everything into Your hands, including all my relationships, my everything. Fighting my fears is so tiring. Grant me strength, Lord, to overcome my weaknesses. I want to honour You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

check this out!

i saw this video on my fren's blog a couple of weeks back. it's just soooo cool, and i like the music too. VERY nice~~~ check it out man:



you know... i've always wanted to learn how to breakdance...hahaha...

finally managed to get some rest...

today's a good day! i finally have time to have a good rest!! the past couple of weeks was very hectic, with lessons in church and projects. PS zhang's lessons for this month finished yesterday, and 2 of my projects sort of finished liao, left 2 more. ahh, i'll take a break for today. haha.. past few days always not enough sleep, everyday on average sleep 4 hours only.. today finally got time to take a good deserved afternoon nap!!! wahaha... afternoon naps feel good, but i duno since when stopped taking afternoon naps liao. no time to nap, and i find it a pretty waste of valuable time. haha.. maybe i've been sleeping too much in the past, now i find sleeping too much a waste of time. or maybe cos got too many things to do le. or maybe... cos i'm always falling asleep anywhere i go. lol.

exams are coming soon, but somehow it feels that exam period is the most relaxed for me. haha.. no lessons, no projects, everything at my own time own pace. but of course i must have discipline to study hard for the exams la. do pray for me ya?

oh yeah, and i wanna clarify some misconceptions i think people have about people studying IT. i realised that people keep asking me for help when they have problems with computers, like problems with their computers booting, hardware problems, software problems, printers not printing like it should, how to do format a document, blah blah blah, all sorts of questions. but in actual fact, what we are learning in IT is NOTHING of these stuff. i dun learn how to troubleshoot hardware nor software problems, though i'm interested i learning such stuff. sad to say, what i'm learning in IT now is not exactly what i'm most interested in, like database management, programming... blah blah. so people out there, not all IT majors know how to repair computers ok. what i know is from my own experience and reading up books one(though i dun read much also...lol..). what i dun like is when some people ask me some computer-related stuff which i don't know, and then they say, "huh? but you study IT one right?" ohhh for goodness' sake, IT majors dun learn y the printer is not printing properly like how it shows up in print preview using microsoft word la ok!?!?(this is one example i just encountered recently) that said, you all are still welcome to ask my anything about computers, and i'll gladly help if i can, but just dun assume that i know everything cos i'm studying IT!!

what one of my officers during my army days said about making assumptions, "assume is to make an ass out of u and me!" LoL.

busy busy busy...

this week is a very very busy week indeed. i hardly have time to take a breather. lessons by pastor zhang is here again! been at the lessons every evening from friday to tuesday, and this coming friday will be another stretch till next tuesday again. had my GV17 2nd presentation on tuesday. can't say it went well, but at least it's over. haha.. well, i know i at least got 5 marks, cos the song is sooo difficult to sing, there is a +5 bonus to the song.

other than that, i've had so many project meetings for the past few days. it's like i'm rushing here and there, either for lessons, for project meetings, or rushing to church. today though got no lesson in church, i still had to go cos today is the worship practice. tmr i won't be free also. tmr got the last bible study class organised by campus crusade. friday will be back to church for lesson again. praise the Lord!! He's so good! He knows that i'll be soo busy this week, and it just so happened that my bro is overseas, so i can use his car!! that really saves me lots of time on travelling, but of course, at the expense of money... petrol really is not cheap u know.. ahh, but after these few days of driving across the PIE twice each day, i'm really starting to dread driving. ohh i can't imagine how my bro actually drives to his camp everyday and back. it's just so so so boring! and so many times i'm fighting to keep myself awake. i guess i'm really not cut out to be a driver, cos i fall asleep just so easily. and i tell u, it's such a torture trying to keep myself awake while driving sometimes... my eyes is like so heavy, but i have to keep them open, and not just to keep them open, but to concentrate on the road too!! that's such a tough thing for me you know..

a couple of my projects are still only halfway done, and they're due like... within a week or two.. so little time left.. oh well... i'm praying that i'll be able to finish all the projects in time. so so so looking forward to the end of the exams, then can prepare to go taiwan, then come back from taiwan, prepare to lead worship during sunday service for the first time! cool. zhijin is leading worship for the first time this sunday!! keep it up bro! dun give yourself too much stress k?

it's good to be back with good old buddies

finally met up again with wanyi, bingbing, yueyee, ceci, keng and guo after so long. too bad weiquan and ivan couldn't make it. wanyi and yueyee have started work in banks already, keng is still serving in the air force, and still got 8 years to go. lol.. guo had to quit uni due to some reasons, and started work also le. in a couple more years, all of us will be working already. haha.. time really flies ya..

anyway, it really feels good to be together with them again. especially with wanyi, bingbing, yueyee and ceci. not cos i'm desperate for girls, but cos they're my good close buddies, erm..ok.. buddies is not exactly the word... erm.. very close friends? really too bad weiquan wasn't there. the 4 of them plus weiquan are the some of the best friends i have. ya of cos the 4K people are my best friends too. haha.. yeah i miss the 4K people too. i'll organise something during the dec holidays for 4K. these best friends i have are just like family to me. just meeting them just makes me feel so... blessed! they're the ones who stood by me when i was down u know. and i wish that they could all be part of the bigger family in Christ too!!

yup, other than wanyi, bingbing, yy, ceci, weiquan, and the 4K people, the ones that make me really feel like family is my cell! my great brothers and sisters in church like zhijin, sunmei, shuiting.. quite sad that there will be cell restructuring soon, so probably we won't be in the same cell anymore. but oh well, we'll still be best brothers and sisters!! opps... i didn't disclose any confidential information right? aiyah, anyway everyone knows that there will be cell restructuring ma right..lol..

I'm so blessed. Thank You Lord!!

got back the results for the Accounting II quiz. i got 12/20!!! that is pretty high a score!! and i'm 6th in my tutorial class!! wahahaha... this is a damn hard quiz la, though it's all MCQ. you get 1 mark for each correct answer, but 0.5 mark is deducted for each wrong answer!! i attempted 18 questions, and i got 12, so that means i got 14 correct and 4 wrong. WOW! only 4 wrong!! i got 14 correct!! more than half of my class failed, and my tutor actually said that my class' results is among the top 5 classes. i guess that means my results are really good. =X

well, you'll know how blessed i'm feeling now if you've seen what i've been doing in tutorials and lectures, if i were at the lectures in the first place. i've yet to do any of the tutorials. i skipped about half of the lectures(some is due to reasons one, but a couple is...i lazy to go...), and i don't even have my complete set of notes printed out, and even if it's printed out, it's probably clean, as in no notes taken during lectures all those.. i only studied like...at most 1 hour for the quiz? lol. so, given my slackiness, i could still get such a good score, it's a miracle!!! i cannot deny that God has been exceptionally good to me in areas of studies. ever since pri 3 i've seen the miracles He's done in my studies. but i must take heed not to take His grace for granted. hmm..i think my classmates are going to kill me if they see this entry. "What!? he's so slack and he got better results than us!? &@#$*&#@..."

if i were to list out all the wonders He's done in my life just pertaining to my studies, it's gonna be a whole long list man. many times i think i'm not deserving of the grades i'm getting, considering how slack and lazy i am. oh well, i just gotta do more for Him!! For Your glory!! For Your honour!! Hallelujah!!

i sowed a seed today!!

i'm happy that i sowed a seed for God today!

my DG went random evangelising today for our DG session. this week is Crusade's Harvest Week. i managed to share the 4SL(4 Spiritual Laws) with a chinese national. though he didnt accept Christ, i believe the seed has been sown, and the Holy Spirit will water it and eventually the seed will grow! but i'm glad that the guy was very honest, saying that it is very hard for him to believe in God, to believe that God exists, cos he was brought up being taught that there is no God(无神论). he said it's very hard for the China people to believe in any God, cos they're brought up being told that God doesn't exist. China needs You sooo much!! nevertheless, the work done today will not be in vain. when the time comes according to His plan, i know the person i just shared the gospel with will come to know Christ personally and enjoy the personal relationship with Him.

sharing the gospel is really so exciting!! it really feels great to bear witness for Christ!! ahh.. i must work hard to bring my friends to Christ!

external problem? self problem?

so many times when we have problems, we fail to see the root of the problem. so many times, we think that the problem is caused by external factors, when the problem really lies within ourselves. and so many times, have we tried to resolve the problem using our own ways and methods, to find out that the root of the problem is still there.

I'm glad i have God to guide me, to show me the root of the problem when i ask Him, and to show me His way of resolving the problem. though His ways are sometimes not easy, but i know it is the BEST way. i need to submit myself to Him. i really need to stop thinking so much, and really trust and let God do everything.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

tired and dun feel like doing anything constructive..

the flu is really affecting me. i'm always feeling so tired. tired to the point i dun really feel like doing anything that requires thinking... so that means i'm putting aside all my projects... for the moment... cannot afford to put them away for too long. i've only got 3 weeks left to finish 4 projects!!! and a couple of them is like...still long way to go!! ahh... i'm feeling to sick to do much at the moment...so while blog-hopping around, i tot since i'm bored, might as well do a test, which shows that i'm a...

See what Care Bear you are.

yeah i'm a good luck bear. i'm impulsive? i just believe that God will make things work out. yeah i do put a lot of trust in faith..in God!! haha.. then ah fu got this link for more info on care-bears, so i checked it out too. it says...

Good Luck Bear is happy and self-confident - yeah i'm happy-go-lucky type, self-confident?? sometimes ba. haha..

He can make broken machines work with a snap of his fingers - erm... well, people do look for me to try to salvage their computers... that counts too? lol.

His best friend is funshine bear - lazy to check out how'z funshine bear like.

His relationship challenge is Cheer Bear. for some reason, his good luck doesn't work when she's around - geez... it's true!?!? no comments.

am i too sick? or am i just exhausted?

i think my flu is really taking its toll on me. i'm feeling really tired. my mind is not thinking. i really do hope i recover soon, and get back all the motivation i need to work through all my projects. it seems that all the projects are due end of this month, and a couple of them is like...nothing much done yet!?!? i'm pretty screwed up this sem, just like last sem. though i've quit gaming, things are not looking good either. y is this happening? this is so not honouring God. i'm not being a good testimony to the people around me. i'm not fulfilling my duties and responsibilities as a student!! Holy Father!! i pray for your guidance for me!! teach me to live my life so that i can honour You!!

anyway, today for GV17(the singing module i'm taking), the song is finally selected for the 2nd presentation. actually there wasn't much choice left, so in the end, the 4 from my group that have not chosen a song all came together and picked O Sole Mio. haha..it's like the most difficult song of the whole list. it's an italian song by the way, so the lyrics are pretty alien. but cos of the difficulty in performing the song, there is a 5 mark bonus to it. the presentation will be 2 weeks later, so i really must nurse myself back to health soon, so i can practice the song properly too. i'll try to put up the song for u all to listen, but for now, i only got my NTU web host, which has only 10MB of space. i'm trying to look for other file or web hosts that can let me store my mp3s or files. but the thing is for those that are free, it's either the filesize limit is very small, or it doesn't support hotlinking. i've yet to find one that supports hotlinking, has no filesize limit, and is free. so if anyone of you out there who knows any sites out there that has such good features, and is free, please let me know k?

ahh...i think i should sleep early today. it's like suddenly i feel so tired and drained, but i've not done anything much also. it must be the flu. it's not getting any better... arrgh.. recently, i can't help but think that there are more and more unfortunate things happening to me. it seems when i want to dedicate my life more to God, want to draw closer to Him, more problems seem to set into my life. meeting with more setbacks. more unexpected unfortunate encounters. more problems, be it in relationships, studies, emotionally, financially... i cannot help but think that it's something to do with the spiritual realm, that the devil is trying to put me off, trying to strain my relationship with my Father. but i know God is always with me. i shall not be moved!! back off you devil!! you have no power over me!! i'm redeemed in Christ Jesus!! i shall be victorious in Christ!!!!

it's not been a good recess break...

i've not been studying and catching up on my tutorials and studies as i should have.

i fell sick since monday, with very bad flu, and cough too. it got so bad i even had a headache.

nothing much accomplished for projects.

i got into a car accident.

ahh...not a very fruitful recess break indeed. well, the greatest lesson i've learnt over the week was what to do during a car accident.

When u get into a car accident(hope you're not the one at fault), u need to get the other person's particulars like NRIC, contact number, car insurance agent, and take photos of the damage if possible. Determine what are the damages due to the accident, then ask the other party to bring the vehicle to your own workshop to gauge the cost of repairs. If the cost of repairs is too much and you cannot afford, then u can suggest to report to police then make claim with insurance company. of course, this is for accidents that no one got injured la. if got anyone got hurt, then it'll be more complicated, and i also duno how. haha.

anyway, i got into a minor car accident. damage to my car still ok la, but the other party's door got dented and scratched, and it's a pretty new car, as in just bought not too long ago. and cos i was in the fault, so i'll have to pay for the damages. i guess most probably they will send it back to the nissan workshop and replace the doors and everything, and so i think it'll chalk up a pretty huge bill. oh well.. and cos i've never been in a car accident before, i didn't know what to do. i didn't get the other person's particulars and contact number(i did want to get the contact, but i forgot...), which pastor says is something i have to do, if not i'm at a big big big disadvantage. i'm basically at their mercy. i didn't take photo of the damages too, and i didn't even remember the car plate number. they did get my particulars and contact though. thatz y i'm at a disadvantage. the only best thing that can happen is that they lose the piece of paper they wrote my details on, and then they cannot find me. and since i dun have their contact, i cannot call them, and that means i dun need to pay for any of their damages. hahaha... but that happening is...pretty impossible.

i seriously think i'm not suited to be in the driver seat. it seems i'm always getting into small small accidents. Praise the Lord that it didn't get more, cos sometimes when i'm driving, especially on longer trips(like to school, west side area...i live in the east.), i tend to get sleepy and such. driving is really boring, and i'm such a sleeper anywhere i go. i think even when i can afford a car in the future, i may not want to get one also... it's really dangerous falling asleep while driving.. and i think i do fall asleep very easily... so i shall not be a hazard to the road.