God.. you win..

God, you're really humourous at times eh.. accepting whatever happens, and be happy. you really testing me out on that one huh.. i meant for her to leave me as in, by death.. and i thought by sharing i'd be able to encourage others, only to be misunderstood.. i must have been too tired while typing, to have written nonsence, to have been misunderstood.. and in that, hurt someone.. and i guess it hurt bad..

but i was hurt too.. bad.. very bad.. like a knife piercing through my heart, really.. you told me something, that was so hard for me to accept.. so so hard. is this Your way of testing me, Lord? Lord, just take control of everything, will You? i will accept it, but it is hard to be happy about it.. please teach me how to.. reign in me, Father.. it's really a lesson so much harder to learn than said.. i can't do it on my own.. i need You...