i knew from the start this was going to be hard...

i knew from the start, it wasn't going to be easy. oh Lord, would you just give me the strength to go on.. being a leader is so hard.. so so hard.. but i know i cannot give up... i must persevere on... making decisions and standing firm by the decision, it takes so much. i never knew it would be so hard in the past. but i thank You, Lord, for giving me this opportunity to learn. i know You have something for me to learn from all these struggles, and i treasure every struggle i go through, to be moulded more like You.

as a leader, sometimes i want people to follow some instructions. it can be simple instructions, but people may not want to follow them. they want to do things their way. maybe they don't really understand my stand, and maybe i don't really understand their viewpoint too, but when people don't do what you ask them to, it's really disheartening and disappointing. it's straightforward if they did something wrong, but the tough part is when they want to do their best, and sometimes this is not what i want of them. they can do so much, do great things, but that is not what i want of them. i just want them to follow some simple instructions i have for them. it really hurts when they don't. i was quite sad and disheartened, but what really made me sad was that God showed me that's just how we treat Him too.

sometimes, God just wants us to follow some of His simple instructions.. sometimes, we want to do too much, but God just wants us to rest. this is just an example. we can think everything we're doing is all for Him, but it doesn't please Him at all, cause all He wants is for us to rest and take a break. it's such a simple instruction, just stop what you're doing and rest. but yet we tell ourselves, no we cannot rest! it's out of our love for God, but that's not what He wants. and when we don't follow His words, though it may be out of our love for Him, it breaks His heart.

Thank You, Lord, for reminding me through this, that it's not what we do that pleases You, but doing what you tell us to, that pleases You. God, i pray that You'd show me what you want me to do, and that i may just do exactly what You tell me to. not a bit more, not a bit less. just exactly what you tell me to. yes Lord, i just want to do what you want me to. i just want to do the things that truly pleases You. i pray these in Jesus' name, Amen.