是盐，是光

yesterday's sermon by 寇牧师 was very good. many times i've read that i am the salt and light of the world, but i never gave it much thought on what it means to be the salt and light of the world.

the sermon gave me new insights on what it meant to be the salt and light of the world. salt has many uses, two of which are to add flavour and to preserve food. if salt is to lose its flavour, what use is of it? it has no more uses anymore. as a Christian, as the salt in the community i'm living in, am i adding flavour to it? flavour not as in more exciting or what, but the influence and effect i have on the people around me. do i have the spiritual influence on the people around me? if i do not, then i am like salt that has lost its flavour. with or without me, the community i live in will still be the same, spiritually. in the community that i live in, is there less decomposition, as in, less corruption, less immoral deeds? salt preserves and prevents decomposition. am i fulfilling that?

what of the light of the world? am i shining brightly to cast away the darkness that shrouds the people around me? or am i the light that is hidden under the bowl? what am i doing to let the light in me shine through the darkness?

the message spoke deeply to me. indeed, i wonder if i have any spiritual influence at all. it scares me so much to think that i am like the salt that has lost its flavour. i am.. just a Christian that has no influence, no effect on the people around me? with or without me, it is the same? am i standing up for God, or am i part of the culture that is not right, doing the wrong things?

what have i done to let the light shine? it seems i have done nothing. i am only looking at myself from the inside of the bowl, thinking that, "wow, it's so bright! i'm such a good Christian!!" i never looked beyond the inside of the bowl. i'm only indulging in my own "righteousness". yeah so what if i'm not gambling, not drinking, not indulging in the vices of the world? i have NOT done anything to help the people around me break free from the bondages of the world!!

i'm so so so disgusted at myself. how could i have been like this? how much have i been shortchanging God and His kingdom, all the while when i was thinking i was a good Christian. i could not bear that thought, i broke down in tears before God. i pray that You will forgive me, Lord. i pray that You will help me, Lord, to be the salt and light of the world.